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Best 20 Movies of the Decade...So Far

Posted by jargononline on December 27, 2013 at 3:45 PM Comments comments (0)

20. The Town


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19. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo


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18. The Avengers


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17. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2


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16. Life of Pi


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15. The Dark Knight Rises


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14. Skyfall


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13. 12 Years a Slave


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12. The Master


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11. Silver Linings Playbook


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10. Zero Dark Thirty


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9. End of Watch


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8. Inception


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7.  Drive


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6. The Wolf of Wall Street


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5.  Django Unchained


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4. The Artist


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3. Toy Story 3


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2. The Social Network


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1. Gravity


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Top 13 of the Year: 2013

Posted by jargononline on December 27, 2013 at 3:30 PM Comments comments (0)

13. The Hobbit the Desolation of Smaug


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12. Frances Ha


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11. The Conjuring


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10. Place Beyond the Pines


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9. Star Trek 2: Into Darkness


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8. Frozen


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7. Iron Man 3


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6. The World's End


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5. Prisoners


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4. Captain Phillips


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3. 12 Years a Slave


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2. Wolf of Wall Street


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1. Gravity


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Lone Ranger is the talk of the town now, but who was it in years past? Let's find out together

Posted by jargononline on July 20, 2013 at 12:20 AM Comments comments (0)

It wouldn’t be a shock to learn that if Hollywood were a man, he would probably have a thing for fat chicks. The blockbuster movies of today are pumping out such bloated, unnecessarily big movies you’d think the budget was nothing more than millions of gallons of butter and chocolate. But that’s not always a bad thing when the movies can deliver on the spectacle. Luckily, when they can’t, audiences are sometimes smart enough to see through the tricks and avoid them like Rick Perry does San Francisco. The Lone Ranger is the most recent victim of movies done too big with too little payoff, which is why I felt compelled to find out which were some of the biggest flops of each year since 2000. Here’s what goodies I found in the first ever, You're the Worst, Around!


2000: Battlefield Earth


Oh what Hell this movie has gone through over the past 13 years. Critically demolished and globally panned by audiences, Battlefield Earth is John Travolta’s test-tube baby to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, whose novel the movie is based off of. Laughable, cheaply done and a case study for over acting, the film was made for $73 million—a relatively small amount by today’s standards— but made only $29 million…globally. That’s around the world. $29 million...around the whole globe. Insane. The poster child for cinematic garbage, the modern day Bomb To Blow-Up All Bombs, Battlefield Earth is what happens when the dude from Wild Hogs wants to wear dreads.


2001: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within


Unless your name is Lara Croft, video games movies don’t work. They have become synonymous with box-office failure as well as critical disapproval. This curse can be backtracked as early as Super Mario Bros. (1992), but became increasingly evident with the Final Fantasy movie. Based off the role-playing game of the same name the series, already quite consumer specific, decided to break into movies in an attempt to change the film-game using state of the art animation. Though it achieved this with ground-breaking human-like CGI (the character of Axi Ross was the first CGI character to break the Maxim Hot 100) it took $137 million to do so, which is a staggering amount even today. With an alienated story and goofy name, audiences fled resulting in only $82 million worldwide.


2002: Star Trek: Nemesis


Before J.J. Abrams completely redefined the series Star Trek had its ups and downs. With dwindling interest and box-office receipts, it seemed the series was hobbling on its last generator. So, it seemed only likely to make another film with the cast of The Next Generation, which had ended 8 years prior, right? Even with a light $60 million budget, they couldn’t have been more wrong. A lackluster story and a worn out vibe caused a misfire even diehard fans wish to forget as the movie finished globally with only $67 million. Also easy to forget; this was the first major appearance of Bane himself, Tom Hardy.


2003: Hulk


It seems shocking that with the success of The Avengers that The Hulk was at one point the big green ass of Hollywood. Following in the footsteps of other Marvel hits like X-Men and Spider-Man and with director Ang Lee hot off the heels of what is still the highest grossing foreign film of all time—Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon—it seemed Hulk was destined to be another big smash. However, the result was a dull, over-long affair that just tried too hard to be dramatic. Though it made some of its $137 million budget back with a $245 million global intake, the damage was done. Word had spread about the quality of the film leaving, for some reason, the taste of big, green, uncooked Brussel sprouts in their mouths.


2004: Alexander


It’s hard pill to swallow that in the same year Catwoman came out that your movie was the biggest flop of the year. So was the plight of director Oliver Stone when his epic, Alexander, was released to appalling reviews regarding its length and structure and just as bad audience reception. The film was made for a truly epic $155 million and grossed only $34 million in the US, $167 million total. What was hit worse, however, was the star power of then up and comer Colin Farrell, whose box-office potential was swept away with the sands.


2005: Sahara


Hey, speaking of sand, this little Matthew McConaughey vehicle has earned itself a spot on the mantle as one worst performing films in recent memory. Having proved a valuable heartthrob, it seemed to be about time McConaughey had his own expensive, sweeping summer action film. But everything was not alright. Not alright indeed. Stupid in all sense of the word, audiences ran to wetter climates, causing the film to only rake in $119 million globally on a $130 million budget, on top of $80 million distribution costs. Also tack on legal fees regarding the scripts adaptation of the novel and you have a prime go-to example of how so much can make even more go wrong.


2006: Superman Returns and Posiedon


The former is the highest-grossing and best-reviewed movie on the list, while the latter is just like any of the others: Too big and average to succeed. This was a double whammy for Warner Bros as a combined $445 million (before promotion costs) was sunk into these movies, with only a total of $555 million in global sales. Though Superman did succeed with critics (even more so than Man of Steel), the box-office disappointment was too much to bear, leaving a 20 year dormant franchise with another 7-years in solitary confinement. Poseidon, well, was just your less-than-average disaster flick that failed to resonate against a market of superior summer films.


2007: Evan Almighty


The gentleman who sold this idea to Universal is a wordsmith with a silver tongue:

“Who’s in it?

The relatively popular Steve Carell, of course.

The jack-ass from the last movie?

Yes!

And he’s a family man now?

Yep, and it’s a PG movie.

And the only thing really tying the two together is the word ‘almighty’?

Yes!

Hmmmm, okay, here’s $175 million dollars.”

Though I'm paraphrasing the total was all too real, making it the most expensive live-action comedy to date. But things were not so divine, as the movie made only $173 million globally.


2008: Speed Racer


 

It’s no surprise the Wachowskis love Japanese anime. Their Matrix series is pretty much a live-action version of one, and they wasted no time making an actual anime spin-off movie. So taking a popular classic anime cartoon to the live-action realm was probably not the best idea. Nothing separating it stylistically from the cartoon, Speed Racer was a jumbled, visual mess that was so energetic and colorful kids with epilepsy would have seizures that would then proceed to have seizures. The $120 million movie grossed only $93 million globally, making a fool out of Emile Hirsch. And no one makes a fool out of Emile Hirsch…no one.


2009: Land of the Lost


There were two movies in 2009 that ended up taking a $200 million bath: Terminator Salvation and A Christmas Carol. Those movies made some money back, but the movie that lost an impressive amount, and got the most flak doing it, was Will Ferrell’s Land of the Lost. Based off a forgettable show from 1974, this high-concept comedy off put viewers anticipating Ferrell’s usual shtick. Even he could not mask poor visuals and an overall odd sense of humor that one Hollywood Reporter critic blatantly labeled “lame”. The comedy grossed $68 million globally on a $100 million budget.


2010: Prine of Persia


It seems the trick to ensuring your movie fails is to set it in the desert. The third movie on the list to do so is Prince of Persia. Also making it the second video game adaptation, Persia was being groomed to be the next big franchise for Disney. It was advertised as being a stylish adventure with handsome leads and an English villain. But, a lack of Johnny Depp, a story unfamiliar to non-gamers, and an overall unsatisfying final product led this $200 million escapade to gross $335 million globally, a very small profit, but worse considering only $90 million came from the US.


2011: Green Lantern


Strike two for DC, and if you could believe it, with a movie that did worse than Superman. A handsome, popular leading man, a dominating genre, and plans for a Justice League movie led to the making of Green Lantern an obvious decision. What took all those dreams and shattered it under a giant pile of crap was...a giant pile of crap. A bloated plot, poor script, dull romantic sub-plot and lack of any fun or imagination forced critics to give this movie scathing reception and audiences to throw their vintage toy rings at the screen in anger. The $200 million dollar movie, which added $100 million in advertising as reported by MSN, grossed only $219 million globally.


2012: John Carter


There have been many flops over the last few years, but none have been more crippling to morale than John Carter. Initially entitled John Carter of Mars—but changed to John Carter after Mars Needs Moms made $38 million against $150 million—no one really had hopes for this sci-fi flick, also set to be the beginning of a franchise for Disney. An obese $250 million plus a $100 million ad campaign—according to The Hollywood Reporter—made for a movie that would’ve had to been an Avengers level event to even make a profit. Instead, the movie made $282 million globally and even inspired the book, John Carter and the Gods of Hollywood which analyzed the true fault of the movies failure. There was also some finger-pointing at Disney headquarters as to whom was to blame, so much so the head of the studio, Rich Ross, ended up resigning.


2013: Who Knows??

It’s the middle of the year and there are already big bombs to discuss. The four big names are Jack the Giant Slayer, The Hangover Part 3, After Earth and The Lone Ranger. All produced mediocre to awful critical reception and general lack of buzz amongst audiences. At the end of the year, as it stands now, I believe the biggest bomb will end up being Jack the Giant Slayer. Though Ranger has the biggest budget of the group—$215 million to be exact—it will probably end up with the largest gross thanks to Johnny Depp. Jack cost $195 million, and finished with only $197 million globally. The fantasy element is always hard to sell so when it comes to selling it for almost $200 million it would probably be better to just back away.

 


Sources: Boxoffiicemojo.com http://boxofficemojo.com/

MSN http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=653928&mpc=2

Hollywood Reporter http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/john-carter-from-mars-taylor-kitsch-budget-box-office-294822


Tool Attempts to Hop The Wall

Posted by jargononline on July 17, 2013 at 10:30 PM Comments comments (0)

By Bahgootz


A Perfect Circle and Puscifer. Pigmy Love Circus, Volto! and Zaum. The Melvins, Isis, and Electric Sheep. Peach and Isis. All of these represent individual segments of an infinitely more grandiose and perfect collective: Tool. Tool is a band shrouded in mythos and intentional obscurity, all the while maintaining an incredible standing in the musical landscape. People who walk up to one another at a bar suddenly become closer just by knowing and experiencing the music of Tool. The reverence that Tool’s fans have for them are analogized to that of progressive spiritual predecessors Pink Floyd and Rush. The music itself is a dark, brooding, driving engine of the severe, political, oft times satirical, every time intense collection of mental states and usurped emotional resonance of its members.


The gargantuan rhythm section of Tool is due to the masterful work of Danny Carey, the esteemed drummer, and Justin Chancellor, the hidden weapon of Tool. Guitar work is solely credited to Adam Jones, whose artistic abilities as well as musical are illustrated through the vast majority of Tool’s artwork and music videos. Vocal duties belong to Maynard James Keenan, the ever elusive, ever megalomaniacal front-man. Listening to the music of Tool, it’s impossible to imagine their broad artistic scope stemming from four unseemly gentlemen who blanket their personas in darkness live and social obscurity in public. You know a band is staid about obscurity when only bootlegs exist online of their live performances and news of their progress lights up social media without hesitation.


Like one could assume, the album discography of Tool is not particularly saturated.They have garnered equal notoriety for their illusive celebrity and musical capacity in as much as the large gaps in between albums. This isn’t an effort to ramp hype; this is due to the fact that unlike the Nickelback’s and Hinder’s of the known universe, effort and consideration is put into their compositions. Beginning with Undertow, their first full-length effort, and up to their fourth studio album 10,000 Days, 23 years has passed. All of them will have their place in musical history as being of the elite.


Fans today, however, are wondering what the fuck is going on. Tool has been relatively inactive, particularly due to Keenan’s eccentricities and avoidance, instead choosing to invest his energy in his solo project Puscifer, which he describes as “simply a playground for the various voices in my head, [...] a space with no clear or discernible goals, [...] where my Id, Ego, and Anima all come together to exchange cookie recipes.” The results have been satisfactory, but only an appetizer for what fans consider the filet mignon of their musical passions. So then it becomes a question: when is it going to happen?


Courtesy of Antiquiet, it appears that a significant bowel movement has occurred in the land of Tooldom, and Chancellor has given information about the project(s): “We’re currently involved in the biggest project of our lives.” This is pairing up nicely with the perceived rumors that a Tool movie, similar to Floyd’s The Wall project, is going to correspond with the newest album. Even though this is exciting, much of this news has been scattered over the last couple of years, and it’s a little disconcerting to constantly hear progressive reports with absolutely no presentation of said effort. So will we see a release soon, perhaps this year, or are we going to be left with our dicks in our hand for another decade? Carey, the most outspoken in the media, had this to say:


I doubt it. Right now, since we haven’t started tracking stuff at this point, it’ll be hard. We could have the record finished by the end of the year – that’s a possibility, but the logistics of getting it manufactured and getting it to the record company in line and all this stuff, I doubt we’ll be able to get it out before Christmas. We’ll see how it goes. Most likely, it’ll be early 2014.

You won’t see me holding my breath. Check out this video of a different arrangement of "Pushit" live. Its pretty intense, so pop on Netflix, turn it over to Sonic Adventures or The Rugrats to help your brain recover from the intellectual trauma:

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An Ironic Praise of Mr. Yorke

Posted by jargononline on July 7, 2013 at 1:15 AM Comments comments (0)

By Bahgootz

 

A true musician boasts a serious ear, precision, and impeccable ability to compose; an artist boasts an infinitely creative engine, imagination, and passion. Thom Yorke, of Radiohead, Atoms for Peace, and his own personal solo work have met these criteria, and he has continuously managed to exceed his own limitations. His ability to transform his own work, to improve and expand his previous creativities in lieu of those that he deems superior works is unparalleled. A self-aware social introvert, Yorke also has a mysticism of angst ridden, norm-defying indifference. Adding to this mystique is an array of bizarre, oddly-timed ballads, electro-pop dance numbers, electronic skip-beat beatboxing, and bipolar skitterbug, Adderall induced dreamscapes.


Radiohead came first. It emerged out of a group of young Oxfordshire gentleman, converging together in musical matrimony (and bless them for doing so) in 1985. Since that moment, they have come far. Starting off as a watered down, angsty Brit-pop Nirvana, they have evolved into a monster that no other band has come close to replicating. Due to the classical training of Johnny Greenwood and frank weirdness of Yorke (not to meantion Colin Greenwood, Ed O’Brien and Phil Selway), Radiohead emerged as one of the first truly original artists in the 90’s to carve their legend the way that the Rolling Stones or David Bowie had done before. Their inability to cave into industry pressure and their absolute dedication to their fans make them not only one of the more talented acts still representing real music, but a force to still be reckoned with. For that, we celebrate the first and major Yorke project with “Nude” off of In Rainbows, perhaps the best vocal performance by Yorke and the most controlled live performance of Radiohead:


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Thom Yorke has never been the musician or artist to remain stagnant for long; in 2006, Yorke released The Eraser, a compilation of all of the tracks he never found relevant enough for Radiohead. Possessing the spirit of Radiohead and the depth of a solo artist such as Iggy Pop or the aforementioned Bowie, Yorke constructs strange time-signatures on an entirely electronic soundscape with his longtime-producer Nigel Godrich (Radiohead, Beck, Paul McCartney), who they often refer to as their sixth member. The results to say the least are a beautiful, bleak work of art, and the intellectual and spiritual backbone of his newest group, Atoms for Peace. Here is “Analyse” from his debut solo effort, this live version being an amazing example of his ability to translate digital to analog with seamless effort:


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Atoms for Peace was his next collective work, joining together Godrich, Flea (of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame), session drummer Joey Waronker and percussionist Mauro Refosco. Dropping the full length album Amok in this year, Yorke once again proved a mastermind of a genre he belongs almost exclusively to. Appearing at first to underutilize a talent such as Flea, AFP played numerous live shows this year to much public excitement and critical avail, inevitably dropping the jaws of fans across the globe. Since there are no high definition videos of this band rocking it out live, I have attached a freaky, inexcusable video for a mammoth of a beautiful song:


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What Yorke will be remembered for, other than his apparent innovations in musicality, and simultaneously, digital distribution, will be for his bravery as an artist and humanist. He is a man that is both marred by fame, but utilizes his terrible previous experiences in the music industry as fuel to create. The purpose of this article is to celebrate an artist most individuals know nothing about. So now that I have done a significant amount of hero-worship and ego stroking, I will leave this article on an intellectual note, with Yorke reviewing and analyzing his limitations that were mentioned beforehand, as well as the downsides of making and distributing an album:


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